ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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