Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
