Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
