If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
