I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
