he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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