he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I need a beard to bite.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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