Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
