I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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