it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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