apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
