Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
