I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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