Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
