please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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