Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
