Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
