I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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