She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
