Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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