your thong is hanging out like whoa
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize