When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
