We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
