I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
