Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
