Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
