I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
