he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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