your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
