her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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