Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
