help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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