cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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