Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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