Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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