i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
