theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
