too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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