At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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