girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
