We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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