your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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