How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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