nut hugger
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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