My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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