I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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