I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
