you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
