found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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