he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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