i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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