Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
