I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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